It's very weird, this feeling. This morning it was persistently sad, my emotional spectrum, but now I'm at a distance, far far away. I wish I were with my family at this time but I'm not, and won't be for a little while. Still have no idea when the memorial service will be.
Fortuitously I had a pdoc appointment this morning, and I ran through everything I had to say and then said, well, that's it, I have nothing more. He suggested I talk about the way in which she's eternal, that is, how do we remember her? And said that people at the memorial service and other times as well will tell me stories about her, and that it will be a way in which she is held in a web, and I'm held, as well. And my kids. Everyone. "Even me," said pdoc. "I have been part of this as well."
Good pdoc.
Now I need to call my father back, and talk to my sister, and wonder to myself when I'll be on an airplane. I don't think he quite understands how much I need to be out there with everyone.
Is there a reason you and the girls can't go right away? Airlines have a special bereavement deal. It's very natural that you want to, nay MUST be there.
Posted by: selena | September 26, 2006 at 11:54 AM