A Hard Candy Shell, That Is

Crazy cat keeps peeing in the kitchen. At least it's on the linoleum and not on carpet. But still. Dodging puddles while making a sandwich is sort of disgusting.

Working at church was pretty fun this morning. People were hanging out and talking about their Fourth of Julys. Or rather Fourths of July, I suppose it should be. I got into a conversation about boats and had little to add, but learned a lot. The service was on the subject of "strangers" and how we should try hard to figure out our own prejudice and overcome it. 

I was thinking about how I make people uncomfortable sometimes with the silence that comes from me, but how if I accept that about myself it becomes something that's not necessarily a strength but at least is just a fact about me. I spend a lot of time beating myself up for not conversing with ease, when really what I want is some time to process what people say until I can say something in return. People have said to me I need to "come out of my shell" and that I "seem to be hiding something" or am "hard to read" and it always cuts deeply, those kind of remarks. But what if that's just me? Something I can accept about myself? What then? It would be nice to love myself despite my quirks. Maybe I need to learn something to say during the silence.

Comments

[Roodi]

No, I wouldn't change yourself. Reticence is not a negative. It's okay not to be easily "read." It's fine to be shy. I like quiet people.

I think it is so important that we accept ourselves for who we are right at this moment, every step of the way, and we'll attract people who reinforce this.

The gift of gab may be, at present, absent within you. Big deal!

[e]

your relative quietude did not make me uncomfortable at all. only thing i would say is, while in a group, i sometimes thought to go over to sit with you but then wondered if you'd rather i didn't; but that didn't stop me, of course, because i knew the scoop from here:) and the look on your face was always welcoming, so that goes a long way.

have you ever thought how quiet might be viewed as attractive rather than as offputting?

[Bobbi]

Jo, I know how you feel! Still, I think it's better when strangers don't know how to read quiet people like us, rather than when they make assumptions about who you are without getting to know you.

[selena]

I've always felt that when a quiet person speaks, everybody really listens.