Hesitation

My Doc A appointment was something of a disappointment, and it was entirely my fault. I was talking about my mother but I ran out of stuff to talk about, though I was infuriated and flummoxed and sad by turns. I've told all the stories that I remember. What do I do now? Stammer out a few words and then look around the office for five minutes, rinse and repeat. I wish I'd done better but apparently that's what I had in me for the day. I kept getting a distant, pulled back feeling that I know comes when I am uncomfortable. Damn.

We had a delicious dinner and now we've all gone to our respective corners. I'll wander in and force them to watch something they don't want to watch in a few minutes.

I want to go to a church party on July 4. I hesitate to tell the girls but I have to prepare them. It'll involve a pool. Maybe that'll be enough.

Comments

[Ms. Jane]

Oh sweetie, please forgive yourself and give yourself to feel your feelings when you're ready. Don't be so mean to yourself, be your advocate - you're an amazing woman who is worth it!