A Mini Panic

It was a pretty good Doc Alphabet appointment. We talked a lot about dating and what kind of attitude to adopt when checking people out on dates. He recommended a certain nonchalance that I'm not sure I can accomplish. I know what he means, but I'm just not quite that person, if you know what I mean. I invest a lot of meaning in things and that means being nervous that things will go right, and feeling like it's something of a performance. I don't know how to "just be myself." It implies a certain comfort level with myself that I just don't seem to have. I worry about the other person a lot.

I told him I'd had one panic attack since cutting down on Ativan. Panic attacks being, of course, the reason that I'm on it in the first place. But I can't actually remember the circumstances of the attack. This disappointed him greatly and made him say that it possibly wasn't a panic attack at all, if it wasn't that bad.

I taught Doc A the word "schadenfreude" which is one of my favorite concepts.

Hungry. What to eat?

Comments

[e]

um? a therapist unaware of the term seems...unusual, at best, no?

[Jo]

He's very French.

[e]

they have schools there, too.

[Jo]

I suppose.

[blaize]

Oh now don't over think this.

[elswhere]

See, I read this as "a mini picnic" and was picturing you sitting on the grass next to a teeny tiny checkered cloth, eating a smidgen of deviled egg and a wee triangle of sandwich.

Mmm. Maybe I am hungry, too.

[Ms. Jane]

Dude. Get your house in order before getting involved with someone else. I'd hate to see you plunging into a relationship with someone who would treat you with benign contempt (which is what you are used to in a relationship, and therefore would feel right and comfortable). You need to learn who you are first and learn that you are a person who deserves respect.

[Jo]

Yes, I think you're right. I had a good think about it last night and I realized I"m not ready to go meet some guy for coffee.

[Bakerina]

At the risk of being a total whore, pimping my own comments (can one be a pimp and a whore at the same time? is this what Tyson and Wal-Mart mean by vertical supply-chain management?), I was able to engage in a little schadenfreude over at Vanishing New York, where I learned that the apparel chain that took over the lease of my favorite French bakery is now feeling the heat on their own lease from an even hotter apparel chain. Couldn't happen to a more deserving company, I say.

But yeah, I'm with you. Schadenfreude rocks. :)