Lithium and the Divine

I'm feeling the chocolate and coffee comedown from the morning rather sharply but it is wonderful to have my kids in the house again. And now we're off to a party! Yay.

I was sitting by a fellow bipolar at church and we both were spying on a conversation between this kind of nutty woman and another woman. The one woman said "I was taking lithium, but then it took me away from feeling the divine," and me and the other bipolar woman just cracked up. "Me too," she said facetiously. It was a funny moment but also poignant; yes, I do miss the divine, I miss that feeling.

It's a day to think about renewal and green shoots and redemption.

Difficult to be at Manny's house. I think that's what turned the tide a bit south for me. I wish I had more control over my moods when it has to do with going over there. I need to be able to deal.

Comments

[Melissa P.]

Still difficult at Manny's house? OMG woman, there has not been enough time for that to be comfortable or okay yet. You spent many years there, that was your life. I am sure it is very painful for you.
I still do not go by my old house. Too many painful memories to feel again.
This has been 6 years for me.
Perhaps, make him bring them over for you as much as possible?
You have every right for that to still hurt. I am sorry that is does, Jo.

['mouse]

Jo, it ain't just you. EVERYONE never gets comfortable with the ex-house or really even ex-contact. It's ALWAYS AND FOREVER a trigger for cascading badness for the strongest of non-bipolar people. Which is why exchanges should be made via school whenever possible or curbside dropoff at your place if you can get it to work that way. Don't waste your time trying to get over it -- just make arrangements to minimize it and get on with other parts of life.

[Jo]

Yeah, that's the "awkwardness" the hippie was talking about with his party.

[e]

how so?

[Jo]

I suppose that other people would be able to sense the terrible longing/anger combination.

[e]

i don't think that's it, though. i think that people who do this kind of thing have a need to see themselves as central in someone else's drama. your situation with manny involves this person only tangentially, after all, and i doubt he can deal with confronting that without finding a way to make it about him, too. once again, i don't think your own longing/anger/discomfort has all that much to do with it, really; if it did, your feelings would be considered, after all, not made worse. it's all about him.

[Jo]

Interesting!