The worst and most vexing problem I'm having now that I'm back is a complete inability to multitask. I can't keep the smallest thing in my head. My call waiting rang while I was talking with my parents and I simply switched over to the other person (who happened to be Manny) and I completely forgot about the other call. Zoom swish, gone. This is only one example.
And it's really, really hard to do things in sequence because I get lost in it. I made cookies with the girls and found myself, at many points, turning circles in the kitchen, disoriented. Holding a spoon or a cup and my mind almost completely blank. It took me probably a half hour just to get the ingredients into a bowl. And now two hours later the first batch is out of the oven.
I'm sad about it. But I do think it will get better. I don't want to be like this. I need to be able to do things like clean up the house (at this point, it seems impossible, because I can't figure out what order to do things, and besides, it is so trashed and cluttered I can't make my way through it... awful) but maybe I can hire Marroqui for an extra visit? I will ask someone to ask her, since it is hard to talk to her, for me. Note to self, ask Badger or Squid.
Unfortunately I like to have the house mostly picked up when the cleaning lady comes, and I am having trouble sorting things.
What. The. Fuck. I hate this. But I'm trying not to be too hard on myself. This too shall pass, and it is progress, odd as it seems. I am in a much much better place than I was when I went in the hospital.
Walking through the parking lot of the train station, I heard the diner-style restaurant which blasts music and realized they were playing "Stayin' Alive." I was humming along and realized, with a flash of embarrassment, that it was quite the appropriate soundtrack, despite the cheesy movie moment of it. Damn. Not even a B-movie director would keep THAT scene in, I'm sorry.