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December 02, 2005

Comments

'mouse

Brief guy perspective:

None of that stuff is even vaguely important. Multi-tasking (such as by keeping family in mind during a complex work afternoon) is impossible, stressful and hurts one's brain. One thing at a time.

Arriving home at the end of a busy day I will make an effort to ask the family how its day was, but I really don't care very much. Ideal would be if I could sit down in a comfortable chair, read the paper for at least half an hour and have no one talk to me or do that "making conversation" stuff. Silence would be great. However, this needs to occur in the warmth and smell of home, not at the library or some other location. Therefore, kids should be trained to be quiet and bring slippers. Wife who makes me a drink and shushes the kids during the allocated time will have my undying love. After that, dinner and homework and domesticity until the kids are in bed and we sit quietly near each other, reading and only occasionally talking. Or better, not talking.

On the weekends, on family trips and in various activities you can have my full and individed, single-task-focussed attention. Ask me to multi-task and I get grumpy and withdraw and I'm not internally happy tho I may not quite know why. Bask in the attention you get, then leave me alone. Remember, I turn it on and off like a switch, it's the way I'm wired.

Don't try to make me a woman. Neither of us will be happy.

/end unsolicited guy perspective/

Jo

Well fuckin a, that's what I would like in the evenings too. Perhaps I'll come to your house instead. I'll bring my kids, too. Perhaps your wife will do all the work for both of us!

Grr!

Sorry 'mouse, you know how much I hold you in esteem, but really now!

Jo

Then again, maybe it's good we have the men out of our hair so that we can lead the real lives. Distract them with their monotasking vigor so that we can form real relationships.

Let's go burn some fucking cars!

pam

'mouse, today you remind me of George Banks from Mary Poppins.

"It's six o'three and the heirs to my dominion
Are scrubbed and tubbed, and adequately fed
And so I'll pat them on the head
And send them off to bed
Ah! Lordly is the life I lead!"

'mouse

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

I will now return to the clubhouse on Mars where Mr. 'mouse will bond with Mr. 'monkey over a brew while we vaguely and without success contemplate the eternal question, "what the hell do they want of us, anyway" before we decide that the question is unanswerable and slightly less interesting than the basketball game we're not watching as we enjoy each other's quiet company.

/end fantasy and return to busy, multi-tasking SV job that (often) gives me a pissy and underappreciative attitude by the time I arrive home/

HMBalison

Jo,
None of the things you mention are huge, but bit by bit they add up. And when you've had a week like you've had, all the cracks and crap in a relationship come to a head. I kept thinking as I read your blog, "And HE's uhappy? What about HER?" When things are going well at my house, I'm ok with doing a lot of what you describe--the housework, the managing of the daily multitasks, etc. And I also work at home--a paying job. And I would love more time to write...so my plate is FULL. But, when things are rocky, the unbalanced aspect of this relationship rears its ugly head. I was raised to think marriage was 50-50. It ain't. It's all about what is a person better at? Can that said person do the things they are good at and be forgiven for their limitations in other areas? Does the other person in the couple flex when necessary? This is a stupid example, but here goes: my husband just goes along with my need to get to the airport REALLY early when we take trips. He doesn't fight me. He just does it. This brings a lot of good will when I'm doing the dishes AGAIN.

Hang in there. See if you guys can find your balance together--even a little bit--and maybe things will get better.

HMBalison

Margaret

Men are men, and women are women. I truly think that we are a different, although related species.

Ms. Jane

Sometimes you just can't make people do what you want them to. Call your wives, we're endlessly interested in the daily floatsom of your life. It's easier to do that than to expect something from him that he can't seem to give you, you know?

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