A Great Place to Film a Vampire Movie

For some reason I wake up early in this house, though I feel just fine. I like coming out into the living room all by myself, flanked by cats, bustling briefly in the kitchen in the dim light. Mine mine mine! Mine mine mine! So acquisative I am! It's all about control. I can do anything I want to. I could level the house and start over. That would be really stupid, but I could. I could!

Speaking of which, I'm thinking of painting the cupboards. Perhaps purple and green? Or should we implicate orange into the scheme as well? Definitely going for the Tertiary Colors.

Manny's search for the Perfect Screen Door took him to Home Despot last night, where he was gone for a very long time. My phone rang and his frustrated sickly voice on the other end announced "I have found NOTHING I came for. I HATE this place."

I could have said "I told you so" but instead I will blog it. This is my picture of dorian gray, after all.

Home Despot is the seventh navel of hell. Manny insists that we must go there since now we are homeowners and somehow it is required of us, but really. Not only will we die when the Big One Hits and the pallets of shrink-wrapped home improvement items start to plummet and bounce in the aisles around us, but there's something about the Home Despot trademark orange color that sends me immediately into a rage.

Is it true that snails were brought to California by the French?

Comments

[pam]

Now me, I *love* Home Despot. But you have to go with a comprehensive list, physically in your hand, of the only things you're looking for. And you have to collar one of the older clerks for help.

[Keith]

Yes. Known to few, Lady Liberty arrived packed full of snails. My great, great uncle not only witnessed it, but wrote about it in both his native Swedish and some broken, nearly indecipherable English. The journal was my families most prized possession for many, many years.

Unfortunately, the journal was either lost or sold by some crackhead cousin of mine, taking with it any real hope of family notoriety.

[Ms. Jane]

Try any other hardware store, or try a different Home Creepo. They're much better in higher income areas.

[liz]

Lumber: T & R, deadwood city. There's the recycle place the name of which I forget. Never buy plants at any home dst, they haven't a clue how to care for the plants. Well if you get them fob, I supose...the OSH on Charleston is pretty good. More advice as needed.