I called my mother, since she has sent me at least 10 email messages already today, and I've been talking to her in my head, so I thought I might as well interrupt the flow and make it reality for at least a few minutes.
The subject, as usual: the kids in our lives. She is a nervous mother for her grandkids who live in Boulder, and I am a nervous mother for my kids who live here. Tolly is about to start middle school, and my mother's been listening to those alarmist reports about how teenagers don't date any more but instead are taken advantage of by horrible teenage boys or friends with benefits (which only go one way) and etc.
To which I had to reply by launching into my own analysis of the situation, and realize that I'm talking complete out my ass, because not only do I 1. not have teenagers or know very many, but 2. I was a weird teenager who pretty much married the boy she dated way back at the age of 16, and stayed with ever after. So. But the thing is, I wonder if a lot of the rumors you hear about teenage casual sex and lack of respect for formal dating practices doesn't come out of society's fear of the effects of feminism. If dating isn't formalized and protected in some 50s suburban way, then how is it that boys and girls relate to each other? How do they have relationships in a world where they are friends? Isn't it possible that such a world might look to the outside observer like it's members are "casual" and "immoral?" Whereas the reality of it is probably that it is intensely rule-bound and completely choreographed, down to the gesture and the outfit. It's just that grown-ups don't speak the language and can't see it.
Why would it be otherwise? Can it actually be possible that all teenagers are at this moment rutting in bathrooms in a frenzy of heroin blowjobs?
Because that's kind of what it was like for ME as a teenager... but I didn't think it was so for everyone... okay, and I wasn't a junkie...
I made a long speech to my mother about "making sure to tell Tolly everything she knows about respecting herself and finding good men to hang out with who will respect her." Agh! Teenage years! We're just not quite ready!
And as I told my mother, too, sometimes I just can't believe the assholes that some women I know actually married. "People are kind of jerks, Mom," I reminded her. "Yeah, that's true," she said, with a sigh.
Oh! And one more thing! My mother reminded me that her biological mother was completely deaf when she died in her 80s. Deaf! Oh dear.
Jo, **big sigh*** as the mother of a 14 year old boy, and an 11 year old boy, these issues are HUGE for us. Oral sex is the big thing in middle school. THAT'S RIGHT....MIDDLE SCHOOL.
Jo, we need to have a latte together. Email me if you're interested.
Posted by: Kris | February 15, 2005 at 07:02 PM
Erk! The whole friends w/ benefits is soooo crappy for the girl. Women are wired to be attached to people we have sex with. These girls are giving their hearts and the guys are only taking the orgasm.
Posted by: Ms. Jane | February 16, 2005 at 08:16 AM
More bad news - stepkiddo Jenn told me that anal sex is the preferred sexual practice for the high school set. Ay yi yi yi!
Posted by: GraceD | February 16, 2005 at 08:36 AM
Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
Posted by: Jo | February 16, 2005 at 09:43 AM
Gawd. I hope somebody's telling the girls that they're supposed to be enjoying sex too! How often do you think they're getting orgasms?
Posted by: Ms. Jane | February 16, 2005 at 09:54 AM
Hrm. I remember oral sex in middle school (maybe 9th grade), and yes, she was having orgasms... I came out all right, I think.
Posted by: Barak | February 16, 2005 at 11:10 AM
I'm assuming that it's the guys getting the oral sex, not giving it.
Posted by: Ms. Jane | February 16, 2005 at 11:28 AM
Why not both?
Posted by: Barak | February 16, 2005 at 11:38 AM
Logistics. Location.
Posted by: Jo | February 16, 2005 at 11:43 AM
Anal sex has similar logistical/locational problems as cunnilingus.
Posted by: Barak | February 16, 2005 at 11:47 AM
I'm assuming that these kids were raised by the same people who put Bush into office, and are not the same sensitive art freaks that we were in high school.
I find it hard to believe that your average teenage boy would be taught about how important it is to pleasure a teenaged girl.
Posted by: Ms. Jane | February 16, 2005 at 12:04 PM
Good point. Yuck! I hate the word "anal." Maybe if I didn't hear it in an American accent. Particularly that brand of Chicago accent with the A that is forced through the nasal cavities with such eagerness.
In British English it would no doubt sound better. The Queen, saying "ANAL." Yes, that's better.
Posted by: Jo | February 16, 2005 at 12:05 PM
I think you are underestimating the effect of human biology.
I don't think you'll argue the fact that high school guys like to get their hands and mouths on girls breasts. It's quite exciting to see and feel the response to that, regardless of how arty or rednecked the guy is. Similarly, I don't think any high school guy would pass up an opportunity to see, touch and lick a vagina.
Posted by: Barak | February 16, 2005 at 12:13 PM
I don't think you've ever been a teenaged girl.
I've been one on the other end of the friends with benefits and believe me, they got a lot more out of it than I did.
Posted by: Ms. Jane | February 16, 2005 at 12:18 PM
Fair enough.
I guess your friends didn't know what they were missing...
Posted by: Barak | February 16, 2005 at 12:22 PM