Spanglemonkey

Freedom

Thinking hard today about what I talked about yesterday with my therapist, the question of the end of my relationship, my divorce, and trying to figure out what happened. I realized something that is new, tugging at the corners of my thinking; it doesn't matter. It simply doesn't matter. It happened, and I am still recovering from it, but I don't need to hang onto all this anger and frustration and envy and bad stuff. This is big.

She did point out that the two biggest predictors of the end of a marriage are 1. having an autistic child and 2. one of the couple is an unmanaged bipolar. So in a way it isn't anyone's fault except my funky wiring. But even besides that stuff, I don't need to delve into it and figure it out any more. I can just forgive. Let it go. Move on. I'm really amazed at the simplicity of it and how I wasn't able to even think about it previous to this point in my life. How many years does it take? Many, apparently. I think I moved out in 2008. As I recall. Or was it 2007?

Weekend! Yay!

The physical therapist put this tape around my knee that made it much more stable, but had the unfortunate effect that it hurt all the time. So I weathered that for 24 hours and then ripped it off. I need to strengthen those muscles instead.

I'm so happy it's Saturday! It was a long week, despite the fact of the 4-day weekend previous to it. I think I was still tired from the writer's conference when I went to work on Tuesday. It was a good work week, though. Seems my training is over and I get to check my own work. An endorsement! They don't come that often at work, so I am sort of basking in the glory.

Been thinking a lot about dating again. Maybe when my knee gets a little better and I'm not on one crutch. Because you know how sexay that is.

Work or Fun

Still quite tired, but getting more into my usual routine. 5 a.m. comes by pretty damn early, though. I must complain.

I've been thinking a lot about the "work" of writing, how difficult it is to carve out the time and commitment. And how sometimes when I write it's such a wonder and a treat, and it's fun. So much depends on whether I have something to bring to the page or not. So here's my thought: If I can figure out how to really outline so that what I'm writing is right there in front of me, it might be fun rather than work.