Spanglemonkey

Butt Glued to Chair

Google that, I dare you.

All I ever do is sit in front of this computer. When I'm done with all my work I think I'll try to have a few days when I don't sit in front of the computer, but do something else. Paint a picture. Go see the ocean. That kind of stuff. For now, however, I'm stuck for a while.

I need to get everything in order for the trip. It's only a couple of days but I should go over and feed Manny's cats (or does he arrive tomorrow? I can't remember) and maybe I"ll walk to get there, that would be good for me. I should have done it while I was at the park. I need to walk over to the pet store and get some food for Milton, who is running low. I'll leave a giant pile of food for him for the weekend and he'll be all right.

Work on my paper. I just turned in the preliminary final.

Take Me Back

I haven't heard back from doc a for a long time and it's making me want to apologize and try to make things how they were. It's my impulse and I will try not to give in to it, because I really think I have a good point and need to stick to my guns. I'm being a bit histrionic however. Need to be more rational about it. I don't know how to deal with anger without getting somewhat out of hand. I suppose that's normal, right? Yeah.

I took a walk in the park but I still feel wired. I might go to the Y in addition to it. If I'm not too lazy, that is. Lazy and wired? Hello, Wellbutrin!

I suppose I"m all right. Doc A can take it. I'm just feeling crazy is all.

All the Details

Got an email from a member of my group for my database class who says that her father just died unexpectedly and she has to fly to Nebraska. Awful!

I haven't heard back from Doc A since I sort of yelled at him in an email asking if he thought I was stupid. I was pretty pissed off, but it was not a great tactic or anything. I'm not a good fighter. I just sort of punch around in the dark and hope to hit something. I need to think about what I'm saying more.

This morning I'll finish my preliminary final exam and turn it in, and then look once again at the paper to see how it's going. We're in the home stretch! I also need to get everything ready for our trip, which starts when we get on a plane at 6:30 tonight. Vega$, baby!

Mostly what I have to do is terribly mundane, like pack my toothbrush and turn off the girls' alarm clock. Our lives are made of such stuff. What shoes should I bring? Will we do any serious walking? Or just serious drinking? Actually I'll be there to squire the girls around so I doubt I'll drink very much or gamble either. We'll spend a lot of time next to the pool. Must remember my book.

Attitude

Our argument continues apace. I said it felt like I was being mocked and he wanted specifics. I said I thought his attitude about my wanting a lawyer, my not knowing exactly how much money we had, and not wanting to talk with Manny was sort of like a mocking attitude. I think he treats me like I"m stupid and told him so. I don't know where it is going but I am sort of venting all kinds of shit his way. And you're there for the blow by blow. Sigh. Overblogging as usual.

I never said he yelled at me. He didn't.

We're packing for Vega$ now. The girls have been fighting all afternoon but after I got some pizza into them they mellowed the fuck out.

Messenger, Killed

Sure enough, the kids were all in the kitchen for a time and wow, they were loud. I was attempting to grapple with the database which I fixed, and I was testing it for accuracy and blah blah blah the kids were being kids. I suppose it wasn't the best time to do it. Duh.

I have been emailing Doc A who says I am killing the messenger, and I said yes, I am, it was the WAY you said it and ground me down and humiliated me that I have a problem with. I haven't heard back but I'm sure it will somehow deflect off him and settle back on me. Making it as though it was all about the money issues involved rather than the clinical and therapeutic methodology.

Soon we'll go hang out in the park for soccer. I hope I don't run into that woman who thinks she's my neighbor.

Seeing Red

I wrote to doc alphabet and told him I was angry, and told him why. I even called him arrogant, which I'm sure won't go down easily. We'll see what happens. I'm frightened of the consequences though they aren't anything more than just having to talk to him about what happened next week when I show up. It just feels risky and I suppose that's because I don't usually confront people, or not very often. Remember when I confronted the Hippie when he didn't invite me to his stinking party? That was courageous and so is this. Out on limb.

I have a little while before the house will be filled with four children at once. Jules is over, and Merlin is coming over while ep has a meeting. Should be loud and boisterous.

For right now, however, I'm going to try to fix the database.

Packing

Coffee was a good time! I talked more than usual so I was kind of proud of myself. I felt sociable so that was good. Eliz called and asked me to bring her a piece of paper from home, and I grumbled at her for a while since this happens so often lately. And then when I went to find it it was nowhere to be found. I just sort of blew her off so I hope she has it in her backpack.

Time to pack. I don't quite know what to bring to Vega$. It will be cold inside and very hot outside, I'm assuming. But I'll be inside most of the time so I guess I'll pack for that.

I need to fix the database myself and then run some tests. I can't stand just writing about it without testing. So much work to do! I will do a lot of it tomorrow morning, since the thing is due on next Tuesday, alongside the final exam.

Saying STOP

Eliz's science project was a cake that was frosted to look like the layers of the center of the earth. I have no cake transportation device so she had to carry it, in the open air, on a cookie sheet. I hope nothing happened to it! How awful to contemplate!

Now I'm all nervous about my paper, even more than I was. I have to figure out how to deal with this new information. I just can't wait for it all to be over. Done!

Yesterday I learned that what you need to do when siblings are fighting is to stop the escalation. That it's entirely all right not to intervene and mediate, but rather to simply stop what is happening and say it's inappropriate to act that way. I had been trying to figure out how to make them see each other's point of view, which is really hard to do on the fly. But I can just simply send them to their corners instead. What a relief!

I learned it from a trusted source for such advice. She has really helped us in the past. Eliz was present for the conversation about the issue of sibling fighting, and I think that helped a lot too, for Eliz to get some perspective on the situation. I wish Sophie had been there. Maybe in a week or two she can come along.

A Hassle

So the creator of the database just wrote us all and told us that she had done it wrong and corrected it, and goddamn, that means I probably have to run a third of my numbers over again. That means 48 tests have to be done again.

I guess I know what I"ll be doing tomorrow. I was planning on writing the final, but this is something else. I could just leave my numbers the way they are and write about the problem instead, but I think I need to run them over again. Argh! Double argh!

I need to pack at some point today, as well. It's only two nights but the girls will be going for five nights, and they have only a big mess in their room instead of nicely folded clothing. So that'll take some time. Damn that database! I have to try to work it to my advantage somehow. Maybe run a comparison of the numbers.

Doc Arrogant

A good friend pointed out very astutely that Doc Alphabet was yet another arrogant male in my life telling me what is wrong with me. She encouraged me to stand up for myself, since in the therapeutic environment I'm safe, he's not going to leave, and I could use some backbone.

At issue is my relationship with Manny at the moment, which is pretty good and I'd like it to stay that way. Also I need health insurance for my prodigious medical bills each month and that is a major priority for me. So what would I like to say to Doc A? That he has no business getting in my face like that and implying that I"m a stupid idiot about money. Even if it's true, he has no right to it. It was humiliating and felt horrible.

At this moment many of my friends are gathered at a coffeeshop/bistro, where they are staging a reading from Squid's book. I wish I could be there but my kids haven't even started their homework as yet. We're not fit for going out.

Scrub a Dub

I cleaned the living room and hung some pictures on the walls. This is something I"ve been meaning to do for five months, and finally it looks like someone lives here.

Cleaning the room where the computers are is going to be a huge job and one I won't take on until school is finished completely. I have piles of papers all over every surface and sort of a space cleared on the table for us to eat. It's very crowded. But I can't do anything about it until I'm all finished with all this crap.

What should I do with this hour I have now? I think I might just read something enjoyable for a change. I should work on my paper but I just can't face it.

A blinds and window company wrote me to ask if I"d link to their site for fifty bucks. I don't know. Should I sell out?

When In Doubt

I read through the paper I wrote and omg it sucks. It's 17 pages of dreck and I don't know if the math is right. I hope it gets a C because that's what I would need to keep my head above water in the class. I'm going to exchange the paper with a woman from my group who actually knows what she's doing, and see if she can help me. I hate this! I'm so stressed.

I"m also very hungry. Maybe it's time for lunch.

Wanting to Quit

Oh, I'm so reluctant to work this morning! I'm cleaning the house a bit, changing the sheets, messing around, not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I should finish up that paper and start on the preliminary final and do all this work but I'm not. I'll get to work pretty soon. I have to put in a table of contents, an abstract, and work on the bibliography.

It's still kind of gloomy and windy out there. I wonder if it will rain?

I found myself just now googling a new therapist. I feel like quitting Doc Alphabet. But I don't know how I would do it. We've had a long relationship but it feels like it's going nowhere. Or maybe this is just a reaction to how hard he was on me yesterday? I don't appreciate being told what to do, not in the manner in which he told me. I need to bring it up with him I suppose. But anyway there are therapists in Deadwood and I could certainly try one of them.

Spoke to my sister at length, who wants to go on a vacation up northern california this summer. Affording it is another matter I suppose - and it would mean not going to Boulder for my annual visit, seeing my father. I don't know.

Babe, We're Livin in the Future Now

I woke up with the new Bruce Springsteen album blaring in my head. We've been listening to it in the car lately and Eliz always turns it up really loud, so that's how it is represented in my earworm.

Last night there was a bit of confusion about who should turn in the 44 page paper, but we finally got over it and now it's posted and FINISHED, h'ray! Now all I need to turn in for that class is the 20 pager and the preliminary final and the final. Lots of hoops to jump through but they're not insurmountable. The other class is nearly finished as well, and the due date for that final project has been moved to the 20th.

It almost looks like rain out there. Wow.

I have nothing to do this morning in terms of appointments so I will work on the preliminary to the final and the final itself if I have time. I think I'll take a walk in the gloom because that's my favorite weather.

I hear children upstairs. Guess today I won't have to go hassle them out of bed.

When it Will Happen

It was good having dinner with Squid and co. Leelo was more responsive than I've seen him, and I was happy to see it. Tomorrow is the reading downtown and I don't know if we're going or not. I have to see how my schoolwork is coming and whether everyone in the family is on an even keel. And we're packed for Vega$.

Forty FOUR

I'm starting to recover my equanimity after the Doc A appointment, and I find myself resolved to get things moving more quickly. I know Manny has his own schedule in his head and I need to find out what it is, and how to hustle it along. I think. I don't know what the implications of hustling it along are. Will I find myself without health insurance? Have to stop seeing my pdoc and Doc A? I know the girls will stay insured. If we're separated instead of divorced I think I can stay on his insurance so that's a priority for me.

Our group is nearly finished with the document we're turning in as the first part of this assignment. It has turned into something that is 44 pages long. FORTY FOUR PAGES LONG. OMG. This is just part A. My part B, which is the individual portion, is now 19 pages long.

I can't wait to be finished with that class.

I have a feeling I did a lot of the searching wrong for my paper but I can't go back and change it now without going INSANER. It will have to stay the way it is, imperfect as it is. Otherwise I'd have to go through and perform 48 searches, all over again.

Eliz is baking a cake which when frosted will represent the various layers of the center of the earth. We got different color frosting to represent each one. Oh delicious red core!

Hard Ass

Doc Alphabet kicked my ass today on the subject of getting manny to get out of the house and getting it sold. We went over what I know of our finances, which is very little, and over what I know about the house sale, which is nothing at all, and he berated me about how I am not in control over my own money and that I should do something about it immediately. I started to feel worse and worse as he was talking because of course I've been worrying about the same subject but not doing anything about it, waiting for Manny for some reason.

I nearly cried while he was talking. It was terrible. But I haven't been able to cry for months now, even when I feel really bad, and it didn't happen this time either. Probably a good thing because he would have said that it was just getting in the way of therapy.

So now I kind of feel like shit and like my life is out of control, so I'm going to go play the violin for a bit and see what that does for me. Not like I can do anything about the situation while manny is in Germany, anyway.

Play

Signing up for more summer camps. I'm pretty well covered for most weeks. I even did Manny a favor and covered him as well, but I have an ulterior motive there in that I get to see the kids after camp if he's not home with them for the week.

Going to Barrone with Ep. Yay! Should be doing other work, I suppose, but I need some recreation.

Activities of the Elite

All the news is so bad right now. I think it's because news of the economy is very personal, since we have to sell the house, though it isn't happening anytime soon apparently. But stories of the rice shortage and food riots and etc, bad! That's very bad! And if we had a real president I just have a feeling that things would be different. I think the world is not being led and in fact thwarted from its course. Part of me thinks it'll make the revolution come faster. I don't want to be part of that, however, being one of the elites myself. The revolution doesn't need a librarian.

Anyway, so that's me all paranoid first thing in the morning.

Last night we watched one of the cheesiest shows on TV, Dancing with the Stars. Wow. It was like watching a 70s variety show all over again, with the lights and the set and the orchestra.

This morning I'm going for a walk over at the park and I'll stop in at the front desk to see whether there's still room for Sophie in one of the camps. Then I'll come home and call Ep to see whether she wants coffee today and how desperately. I have Doc Alphabet at 12.

I'm hoping Doc A doesn't do his "guess what I'm thinking!" thing. It loses the momentum of the session and makes me feel like a complete dope.

This afternoon we'll pack for Vega$. The rest of the days we're busy. Better do the laundry I suppose.

Our Driving Plans

I was totally right that Sophie would be lost and forlorn. Well, maybe not the forlorn part. She didn't really mind standing on the corner for half an hour before going to the office to call me to tell me that practice for the talent show wasn't until NEXT week. She was all chipper and not even angry when I finally arrived.

We have quite an agenda for this afternoon if Sophie ever finishes her math homework. Math homework during STAR testing? The fuck!

We're going out to just sort of check how much it would cost to get Eliz her own cell phone (just checking, mind you) and then we'll go to the bank and withdraw money from their savings accounts which are burning holes in their pockets. Sophie wants a nintendo DS and Eliz wants high rise high tops. I am just here to facilitate these purchases. Possibly we'll eat at the food court. Oh boy.

Compulsions and Control Issues

I"m overposting today (as usual) but I think it's because I feel the need to post between each activity, sort of compulsively. I've heard lately of the son of a friend who has exhibited the signs of some pretty wicked OCD, and I have to say I sympathize, seeing as it runs in the family (in the form of hoarding, in some cases, and the usual ritual behaviors in others) because sometimes I wonder if my blogging really is just OCD. But I can't hold another diagnosis without breaking in half, so I won't go down that road. Besides, I"m on enough medications that surely we would have covered OCD in the mix.

I went to the pet store, where things were on the brink of falling to pieces, as usual (they stand behind a counter and total up your order, why is that a crisis? I ask you!) and then I went to the Hole to get new omega-3s and various stuff that fell into my basket. It was packed with yuppies and their ilk. I feel like in homage to my neighborhood I should only shop at the skanky Safeway down the road or the even skankier Lucky, but sometimes I have to go back to my yuppie roots and shop at the expensive place.

Today Sophie has a practice for the third grade act for the talent show, which makes my heart sink because it means I have to go to the show myself and watch tedious dance numbers by reluctant teenagers shuffling their feet around sulkily. Every year Eliz and her friend davon try out and don't make it in, thank the gods. I don't think I could take the pressure. But anyway, Sophie going to practice has me all nervous because i like to know where she is and what she's doing, and I don't trust that she won't get lost and forlorn somehow. I need to let go now that she's in Big Noggin, but she's still so little to me.

I wonder if on BG they'll ever actually end the story and put them on earth?

Flaming Hoops!

I played the violin for longer than usual today, about 30 minutes total, and my back really started to hurt. I must be standing funny but I don't know how else to do it. It's such a weird thing to do, to stand around making sounds with an instrument. It's a bit like exercise in that I'm reluctant to practice but when I do I really start to enjoy playing. I'd like to start playing with other people, to somehow overcome my shyness and play with others. It would be great. First I'll conquer playing at church, and then find some kind of orchestra or another.

It's a lot harder to do this kind of stuff as an adult. When you're a kid you have music built right into the school (or so we do here, luckily for us and thanks to extensive fundraising) so it's just sort of available and you sign up.

Onward to the next project. I have to post nine significant terms from my database class, and write sentences about them defining and saying why they're important. It's just one hoop after another.

Possibility Springs

Exercise really does put a spring in one's step. It's such a bore and it hurts and is uncomfortable, but by gum, my mood is improved and I feel like I can actually do what needs to be done. Furthermore, my life might just improve and my shape as well. Who knows! I wish it would have instant results but alas I just have to keep doing it and see what happens. Maybe if I stopped eating ice cream too I'd lose more of this.

Let's see, I have three hours in which to practice my violin, take a shower, eat lunch, finish the paper, and start in on the final exam. Shouldn't be too bad.

Can't Always Work

I think I've nearly finished my paper. It's 15 pages long and still needs a table of contents and an abstract (such folly in a student paper) but I do believe it's done, more or less. I"m going to send it off to my friend in our group and see what she has to say about it. I hope she doesn't find too much wrong with it.

Possibly I'll go over to the Y and get some elliptical time in. Yuck. But it must be done.

I'm so stressed I feel like I"m ill, but it's just stress. I have to get through these weeks. Yesterday I had trouble having fun at the fair because I felt like I shouldn't be there but should be home working instead. I can't work all the time! Argh!

Probably the gym will improve me.

The Dress, Not the Story Behind It

I stopped by Manny's house to feed the cats and found that Neighbor Kitty (bad kitty!) was calmly eating from the bowl. The back door had been opened just enough to let her in. Bad! So I braced it with a board and I hope it was enough to stop her from doing it again.

Boy, my blogging has become mundane, if it was ever anything but. I attribute it to feeling good and steady, so I have no moping to discuss or deep thoughts to plumb. Besides, school has been all-consuming and I still have a couple of weeks left. It's over on the 15th and then I can go back to my usual show, whatever that is.

At Manny's house I went to the shed and brought out my sleeping bag and pad, which I"ve been meaning to bring to my house for a while. That way I can go camping if I'm suddenly provoked. All I need is a tent and I'm ready to go. Last time I slept outdoors was two years ago when Eliz was in fourth grade and we occupied a miwok village for the night. That was probably the coldest I have ever been in my entire life.

I came across my wedding dress while I was there and I probably should have taken it as well. I will save it for the girls, though the precedent of my marriage is not something they might want. We did have a good run, however, while it lasted.

I despair of ever having another relationship. I don't know how to meet people.

Murky

AT 5:30 in the morning there was some kind of altercation down on the street that woke me up, and I didn't call 911, why? Because I looked out and the people were just walking away calmly. Earlier she had yelled, CALL 911! but then when I looked it didn't seem necessary. I'm wondering about it today, though. Should I have?

The girls have their own alarm clock. I'm waiting to see how they do with it.

This morning I am having trouble with my vision. It's like my eyes didn't wake up with the rest of me. I really need new glasses I think, especially for short-range. I need them this morning because I need to finish the last of the user guide to the database, and then go on to work on the last part of the paper. There is a flaw in the database that another team member noticed which means I need to write about how that affected things. I searched the term field with the boolean operator OR which meant that it wasn't term but word, instead. Or I think that's how it worked. But should I admit that I know that? That's the question.

Or I should run all my numbers over again, really. However I don't know how to fix the problem or even clearly what it means.

All I need is a C, right? Pass the class.

A Moment of Fluster

It was up to me to do the turning in of the executive summary and all the accompanying material, and I sort of panicked and asked for help and then got my shit together again and put the paper where it was supposed to be and told everyone it was under control again. Man! That was nerve-wracking.

Things become overly important sometimes and I don't know how to handle them. I'm not strong in that way. I sort of panic. I feel like an idiot. But I did manage to do what was needed in the end, so that was good.

The kids have been watching a lot of TV but I don't know what else to do with them. At least Eliz does stuff with her computer at the same time. I should probably pull them off for a while for reprogramming.

Only Nobody Smokes Weed

We headed over to the hippie school faire and had a pretty good time, though there were so many people there it was a bit overwhelming after a while. The best thing was the zip line you could ride across a small area of the yard. Whee! Both the girls liked it a lot. Also Sophie spent a lot of time hot gluing pieces of toys together into her own sculpture. Very cool indeed.

I had souvlaki for lunch. Yum.

Now I'm waiting to hear from people in my group about the paper I haven't read yet. I am assuming it's just the same as what we read last night so it'll be fine as is. And that'll be one project down, check! And I'm almost done with my other paper that as of now is 14 pages long and growing. Charts'll do that for you.

I feel like watching BG for a while. Dare I?

Time is Racing

It certainly is Sunday. Everything is languid and sleepy. Eliz stayed up until 2 a.m. so she's exhausted and needs a good lie-down on the couch.

I have time to do some work on my paper and possibly get close to finishing it. There are sections I simply don't know how to write so I'll have to ask my compatriots, even though this is an individual project. What to write about the database itself? I have no idea. It seemed to work all right even though Boolean operators didn't search the title field at all, and stuff like that.

Milton won't leave me alone this morning. He's a lovey kind of kitty. It's a good thing, because I need more physical contact and he is definitely the cat for that.

At noon we'll go to Jak's school where they're having a faire (with an E) and have lunch and walk around for a bit. Reena is so at home there, she says it's like she finally found a place she can love. So we'll go share in that feeling. Wish we could afford such a thing, but then, life would be very different if indeed we could afford such things. I would get a different car, for instance. My car is eating up gas at an alarming rate. I should bring it in this week, though Manny's car is at the airport so I can't steal it.

Compelling

Good morning! I had ominous dreams all night, like I'd forgotten to do something and it was haunting me in some kind of physical form. Not hard to read, but somewhat unpleasant to experience.

This morning I'll work for a time, and then go to pick up Eliz at the coffeeshop where apparently, from the looks of the invitation, she spent the night. She was very tired going into the party so I am fully expecting this day to be filled with yelling and carrying on because of exhaustion. Maybe she'll just be giddy, who knows.

I'm thinking of buying Eliz a new mattress because hers is so terribly gushy. She can't sleep very well on it.

So yeah, season three of Battlestar Galactica, it's REALLY depressing. If it was depressing before, now it is forty times more so under cylon occupation. But I have to find out what happens to everyone. I've heard it doesn't get any more cheery. Why am I watching it! Why is it so compelling! Argh! And after this season I'll have to wait for a while for season four to come out on DVD. More torture!

Time to go take all my pills and then kick Sophie off the computer so I can work on my paper for a bit. Got to see who checked in last night with their material. People work at night, did you know? I go to sleep on the dot at 9:30 every night so I wouldn't know what that's like.

Parties, Large and Small

Eliz is invited to a slumber party that starts with a dance show tonight, and then I'll pick her up in the morning at the coffeeshop downtown by the courthouse. Quite an undertaking! The things people take on! I should talk, though. We're having a mystery party over here with about 11 kids, all of them 12 years old or so. At least they're not spending the night, though, and at this age they kind of take care of themselves. Put food out and let 'em roll.

Sophie and I are going to watch the Fantastic 4. We know how to party!

Aswim

My academic librarian group managed to record a power point session successfully, after an aborted attempt and much hemming and hawing. We did it! Now all that needs to be done is to put together the executive summary, the job descriptions and the bibliography and voila! We're finished, except for the peer review of other groups' projects.

I should be working on my final. Or on my paper. I don't know what to do. We walked down the street to the Y and swam for an hour and it was really nice to get out of the house and into the water. Entire families were standing in the water fully clothed (!)

I just found out that there was a flaw in our database and I might have to redo the math. I don't know if I can take it. Furthermore I don't know if I physically can do the work again, given time constraints and the fact that I'm not willing to stay up late.

Manny is winging his way to Germany right now. Part of me feels unprotected, which is very odd indeed since he hasn't protected me for half a year now. I suppose it's just habit, that feeling. I feel very responsible for the girls.

Running Jumping Throwing and Kicking

I did some good work on my paper and found myself all jittery and it was difficult to sit still. I suited up and went for a walk in the park, which was filled with little boys playing all manner of sports. I didn't see a single girl's team anywhere. All that boy energy was strange for me, since I generally hang out with women and girls as a rule, with some notable exceptions. Boys are just different, whether they're made that way or they come that way, I don't know which. There were a lot of fathers there, too. "You can take the boy to the 8:30 game, I'm sleeping in," said the wise mother.

I just had an Emergen-C drink and it has me all pepped up. I rehearsed what I'd say for my part of the slide presentation. I'm doing what you're not supposed to and simply reading off the slides, but whatever. I just want it to be over.

Time to check whether anyone has his or her section of the executive summary up on the board yet. I need to get started on it, it's due tomorrow for chrissakes.

Plug 'em In

It's another work day for me. Deadlines are looming up thick and fast. Tomorrow our group project is due and I volunteered to be the editor for the "executive summary," which we've decided is just another word for "paper" in this case, since it's supposed to be over five pages long. So I'd better get around to doing that pretty soon. Also the data paper is nearly finished and I'd like to get it out of the way. Then, of course, it's all dedicated to the final.

I have to remember to go stop by the academic library site and comment on the discussion. Because of course I have nothing better to do, ugh!

This morning I get the kids at 10, when Manny starts on his trip to Germany. Stuttgart in the spring, should be nice. I'll have to plug them into the TV as usual so that I can do the work I need to do. Maybe I can find a movie for them to watch so that it's not all Disney and Nick.

To the keyboards! I have terrible burping attacks right now because of the tension. Excuse me.

Wilding

The girls always get very wild when Manny arrives to take them to his house. I wonder if it's some kind of psychological thing that sort of masks the discomfort of the situation? It's interesting. Annoying, but interesting.

My meeting starts in a half an hour and I have to be awake for it. Maybe I'll have a beer. Heh.

Narrowing it Down

I think I'm done with the math on my paper. I'm going to proceed into the "conclusions" section, slashing blindly with whatever I can find from the reading on the subject of subject access. It'll have to happen tomorrow morning. Maybe I can get some reading done this afternoon and pick out some quotes.

Violin lesson was good. We played scales and double stops climbing all the way up the neck and man, I sounded squeaky. It'll be good for me to get them down. Trying to get my fingers to touch only one string at a time. We played the Kreisler and she put on the CD for me to play along with.

I'm so tired of writing this paper. It's been going on all week long and it's wearying. Still have quite a bit to go.

I wish I could go out for sushi. It's been a long time and I miss it. All these meetings mean I eat at home, which is good for me certainly but still, I miss going out.